Even though I’ve been plagued with a plethora of accidents this year (including an undisclosed stubbed toe), and the death of three family pets, I’m still thankful.  Yep, things have been pretty shaky for me this past year and it shows no sign of stopping.  

It started out when my long time girlfriend dumped me for a computer programmer, a chippendale’s dancer, three auto mechanics, and an accountant whom she seems happy with.  I’m happy for her.   Although, I’m upset that she punished my “checking in” with a restraining order.   It’s hard to check up from 150 yards.

Then my car was accidentally compounded because I parked next to Jermaine, my neighbor that turned out to be quite the little drug dealer.  We speak every Wednesday between 1 and 4, and I often kid him about his new bulletproof glasses and his shiny bracelets.  He also made me an honorary “Blood.”   I was flattered.  I also got a cool medal ( I think  it’s technically a broach that was taken from my older next door neighbor, Agnes).  The state ended up buying me a new car, too bad it was an old Volvo.  It’s like driving a refrigerator box.

Despite all of this, I’m still thankful.  I am thankful for so many things, but I chose eight:

1.  I’m thankful for Oven Mitts.  If I didn’t have these suckers, I’d have more burns that I do already.  Apparently they’ve been available for quite some time, even though they’ve only been recently brought to my attention.

2.  The basket that holds all of  my remotes.  I’ll never have one of those taken from my body in the emergency room again.

3.  The bath mat I step onto when exiting the shower.  The broken collar bone is healing nicely.

4.  That I’ve been able to enjoy the gift of sight, even though I seldom take advantage of the gift by reading.  Instead I needlessly kill good cells by sitting too close to the television.

5.  My super model legs.  I admit it, I’m getting a little bit top heavy, but my legs have never looked better.  I credit the lotion I received from my cousin Leo.  He’s an elder statesman for the Waukimo Tribe of Northern Ohio.

6.  That God has blessed my neighbors with seven small children, who constantly cry.  I love sleepless nights.

7.  Tan lines.  You have no idea how many times I’ve been able to convince people that I was wearing a white t-shirt.  Thank you sun.

8.  That God gave me digits.  For if I had no striking sticks I would not be able to type this blog.  I guess I could get one of those voice recognition things, but they’re probably expensive.  I’ll have to look into that.  Anyway, I enjoy writing in my journal.  I love sharing private thoughts with myself, and only myself.  If some one else read my journal, I’d probably die.  

I should probably thank Jeremy.  He set this private personal journal thing up for me.  Thanks Jeremy.

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